some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
