i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
