Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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