He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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