best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
