Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
