8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
