I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this will be a night to untag.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
