We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
