That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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