Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
