Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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