he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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