you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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