Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i dont even know how to be here
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
