There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
