he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
