I puked a lego.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
