Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
