onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is it penis luge time yet?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
