haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
