By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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