I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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