you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
