I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
