a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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