Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
