yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The struggles of a small town man whore
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
