I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
