I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
