you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
