I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize