i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
