My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
