i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
