what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
