Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
