I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
