Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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