can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
