Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
