Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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