just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
