I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
