never play flip cup with pint glasses
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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