i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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