My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
FUCK WHALES
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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