she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
