Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
