I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
